Like all good narcissists, I spend time looking over my work. Not because I want to find mistakes, necessarily, but because I’m often so damn proud I get anything done. Inevitably, I find mistakes in the reviews that I post on the site. Typos, sentences that were never finished, ideas that are repeated twice in the same paragraph… all that good shit. As some of you might know, this is embarrassing because I actually make a living (most days, anyway) finding and correcting mistakes in other people’s work. If for some reason you were reading this site and thinking ‘well, I’d give this guy a high-paying job’ and you were somehow undeterred by the amount of dick jokes contained within, please note that I actually am a great proofreader ‘n shit. Consequently, please accept my apologies for any typos contained therein. Read the rest of this entry »

Before we get into Dish Flicks, I’d like to take a moment to address the Search Keywords function that comes with this fine blogging software. Search Keywords shows you what people type into various search engines to eventually be led to your website. Because I deal with movies that often feature some pretty wacky shit, I get some pretty wacky results. Here are some observations.

–          To the dude who is looking (every couple of days, it seems) for a German porn movie where Frankenstein fucks a girl in a red dress: I’m sorry, I can’t help you. If you are several dudes with the same query and one of you happens to possess said piece of erotica, I’d be glad to put you in touch with the other classic-movie-monster fetishists. Why Does It Exist? isn’t just about weird movies; it’s about networking.

–          Searches seem to indicate that Harvey Keitel gets naked because people really, really enjoy it. I owe a significant percentage of hits to the picture of Keitel in leopard-print briefs that toplines Somebody to Love.

–          The shirts that the wild-and-crazy-guy dildo from Bachelor Party 2 wears are almost definitely from TShirtHell.com. I don’t even get a kickback from that. I just love dispensing information that much.

–          In that same vein, the 50 Cent song I quote in the Gun reviews is called I’ll Be The Shooter. This is by far the most popular query, and I had nothing to do with finding the answer, so thank you guy in comments who did.

–          Street Kings 2: Motor City is definitely a low budget movie.

–          I actually don’t know of a movie of the top of my head where Mickey Rourke shoves a gun up someone’s ass but that does seem like something he would do. Keep me posted!

PS: I’ve decided to nix the pictures for this month until I figure out a way to have ‘em up there without throwing everything out of whack.

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As I mentioned in my Street Kings 2: Motor City review, I watch movies while I do the dishes. Oftentimes these don’t fit the criteria I’ve set for Why Does It Exist? for a variety of reasons, including:

1)      They’re too well-known according to my scientifically-sound method of checking if it has under 1000 votes or under 10 reviews on IMDb;

2)      They’re actually considered pretty good movies, just not necessarily cerebral experiences that would require my full attention;

3)      They’ve been extensively covered by another source, be it The AV Club, How Did This Get Made? or something of that ilk;

4)      It is very clear why they exist, whatever that reason may be;

I decided that it might be advisable in order to generate more content (and more positive content, too, instead of me feigning surprise that Bachelor Party 2 isn’t up to snuff) to have short capsule reviews right here on Why Does It Exist? Since I do the dishes every other day but it rarely takes hours upon hours, I’ve made it a monthly feature. Read the rest of this entry »