Why Does It Exist?

Archive for May, 2012|Monthly archive page

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Podcast #26: Little Hercules in 3D (2009)

In Podcasts on May 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I swear to you, this is the last shot of the film and Hogan’s line is ‘Who’s your daddy?’

The myth of Hercules just like you learned in school. You know, the one where Hulk Hogan was Zeus, Socrates was an aging neurotic Jew who lived in Heaven, Satan was actually the WWF’s The Big Show and, to prove his might, Young Hercules had to win a track meet in Burbank, California. We bring you Little Hercules in 3-D, a batshit insane cross between Clash of the Titans, Chariots of Fire and… uh… Encino Man? The film stars everyone’s favorite forgotten-physically-ripped-child-that-appeared-on-the-Maury-Povich-show Richard Sandak and a random collection of people who should feel very ashamed that they had the time to devote to this nonsense. Please note that the podcast is not available in 3D.

Joining us this week is actor Alex Weiner whom you may recognize from his appearances as Ricky the Pizza Guy on Blue Mountain State or in the film Territories. Watch for Alex in the upcoming feature films The Good Lie and Clyde Cynic as well as the short film Something More Than Nothing directed by none other than WDIE host Alex Rose and past guest Louis Lazaris.

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Music this week provided by Young Lungs – the song ‘Blood in the Streets’ can be found on the 7’’ record of the same name available here. You can also check out the video for the song here, directed by the aforementioned Louis Lazaris.

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Podcast #25: BrainWaves (1983)

In Podcasts on May 22, 2012 at 7:15 pm

With a title like that, I thought they would maybe get sucked into the videogame, but alas… At least we have Brainscan.

Keir Dullea and a highly bored Tony Curtis star in BrainWaves, a dumb horror/thriller by serial-killer auteur and possible Worst Director of All Time Ulli Lommell that we picked because it happened to be shot in San Francisco, from which Alex has just recently returned. Unfortunately this ain’t no Bullit, although someone does narrowly avoid getting run over by a cable car.  Instead it’s more or less like the longest Twilight Zone episode ever while also pulling off the feat of being the shortest film we’ve seen yet. We discuss public nudity, Keith Moon’s solo album, Curtis’ almost-pathological need to play doctors in batshit insane Z-list movies and Dan’s tortured relationship with sex doctor Sue Johansen.

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Music this week provided by She’s Got A Habit. The song Call it Love can be found on the Blindfold Test EP, available here . They’ve also just released a live video for the track Different Directions which you can view here.

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Podcast #24: Seven Below (2012)

In Podcasts on May 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

By far the most exciting scene in Seven Below.

After several months, the stars have aligned once more and brought another Luke Goss / Val Kilmer pairing to the shores of Why Does It Exist? This time it’s an extremely familiar story of seven strangers trapped in a house WHICH MAY BE HAUNTED. Thankfully, Mssrs. Valium S. Kilmer and Vingaling Rhames are on hand to provide bug-eyed overacting as a small ethereal child runs around stabbing the rest of the cast until they dissipate into black smoke. Dodgy accents, unexplained coincidences and eye-rolling abound in this week’s episode, SEVEN BELOW!

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Music this week by Cinéma L’Amour. The song ‘Empty Bottles’ can be found at their Bandcamp.

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Podcast #23: One Trick Pony

In Podcasts on May 6, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I almost went for one of Mopin’ Simon, but this is more important in terms of archiving nonsensical shit.

Hot off the success of his supporting role in Annie Hall, Paul Simon went full tilt boogie and wrote himself a starring vehicle in the form of One Trick Pony, an extremely mopey 1980 drama where Simon plays a less successful (and ostensibly much mopier) version of himself that opens for the B-52s, beds St. Elmo’s Fire alumni Mare Winningham and finds low-rent antagonists in a Top 40-centered producer played by Lou Reed and  a clueless record company bigwig played by Rip Torn in a ravishing Prince Valiant haircut. Lots of pint-sized pondering from Simon and some of the most generic music of his career in this week’s Why Does It Exist?

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Music this week is provided by UN. The song ‘Go Seeker!’ will appear on their upcoming full-length, due out in June. You can find them online here and here.

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Podcast #22: Hot Dogs (1980)

In Podcasts on May 1, 2012 at 8:38 pm

As you'll find out, the DVD was defective so I could not take screen captures. Here is a picture of some hot dogs.

Deep Throat made Harry Reems a highly unlikely star, but by 1980 his alcohol and drug abuse had pretty much killed his porn career. The obvious move was, of course, to go to Québec and take the straight-man role (no pun intended) in the least essential outing of the Maple Syrup Porn genre, Hot Dogs. Basically an even more sophomoric and plotless proto-Police Academy, Hot Dogs is so bored with its own identity that it barely has jokes and treats even its copious nudity as an afterthought. Consequently, we spend a good chunk of the episode discussing Lena Dunham’s show Girls, because we are people on the internet and the gods of the internet have asked all of us to chime with our opinions about Girls.

I also learned today that even singing a song on a podcast without consent might put you in the realm of copyright violation, so you should probably listen to this before the band Train sues us into oblivion for mistaking them for Jack Johnson.

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Music this week by Colors on Trial. The song The Inmates can be download for free here.