Why Does It Exist?

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Podcast #61: Tempted (2001)

In Podcasts on February 20, 2014 at 2:01 pm
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Burt demonstrates hill full range of movement as well as his coping mechanisms in this unmemorable scene.

Third Annual Feburtuary celebrations kick off with the non-steamy, non-erotic erotic thriller Tempted, a rather uninspired, Cajun-spiced reversal of Indecent Proposal with Burt Reynolds as the leathery millionaire who hires the main twinkly vampire guy from Twilight (not R-Patz, the other one) to seduce his wife (Saffron Burrows, of Wing Commander fame). Anti-plot-summary activist Malcolm Fraser joins me for the first and hopefully not only Feburtuary party of 2014.

You can purchase Malcolm‘s book Wooden Stars: Innocent Gears at Invisible Publishing. Malcolm and I will be co-guest-hosting Know It All trivia at Le Cagibi (5490 St-Laurent) next Wednesday at 8 PM (sign up at 7:30!).

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Music this week provided by Doppelbanger. You can find them here.

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Podcast #59: Citizen Verdict (2003)

In Podcasts on September 18, 2013 at 2:05 pm
The poise, the charisma. A natural born leader.

The poise, the charisma. A natural born leader.

Director Philippe Martinez made a pretty OK Jean-Claude van Damme movie and an awful movie where Val Kilmer locks people in a sauna, so he’d already be a shoo-in to appear on Why Does It Exist? if his very first movie wasn’t a mindbogglingly terrible semi-satire starring Jerry Springer and Armand Assante. Citizen Verdict is a dizzying, bone-headed exposé of reality television that’s kind of halfway between The Running Man and being so high that everyone in Florida suddenly sprouts garbled South African accents. I’m joined by native Floridian Skyler Bing AKA Skyluur Bing AKA Jacques Lutin as we dull our senses with a nonstop barrage of yelling and yellow filters.

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Music this week by Eternal Husbands. You can find the track EKG here.

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Podcast #58: The Pacific Connection (1974)

In Podcasts on September 5, 2013 at 3:46 pm
Oh yeah, there's an inexplicable samurai in this.

Oh yeah, there’s an inexplicable samurai in this.

The Pacific Connection is the classic tale of a man who has two sticks and an overwhelming desire to whip bad guys in the nards with them. This weirdly enthusiastic Filipino martial-arts movie is a veritable who’s-who of actors who’d do anything for a paycheck (and by that I mean mostly Dean Stockwell) furiously furrowing their brow while a shirtless guy attempts to whack them senseless. It’s almost bad enough to be fun, but also filled with repetitive and mindless fight scenes and a weird blind hippie who stumbles around giving people healing herbs (OK, that last part is pretty cool). Despite being obscure enough that I had to whip out the VCR to watch my copy, it’s actually available in full on YouTube – I’m almost certain that whoever holds the rights to this won’t mind or notice.

WDIE old-timer Michel Thiffault-O’Narey is back to witness the carnage and be extremely uncomfortable about what he perceives to be my cultural insensitivity about a movie where shots to the balls are the stuff of high drama. Although his band The Hot Showers is no more, you can get their final EP here. (PS: this was the first episode recorded after the hiatus, but released after, so that’s why I keep referencing the fact we’re coming back from something.)

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Music this week provided by FRIGID. Their song ‘Flesh’ off the upcoming double album ‘Violence of the Heart’ be found here.

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Podcast #57: Venice Underground (2005)

In Podcasts on August 22, 2013 at 10:58 am
The impossibly titillating poster that led us into this mess.

The impossibly titillating poster that led us into this mess.

Low-budget LA-set crime movies starring also-rans and never-weres are pretty much the death and taxes of Why Does It Exist? They’re plentiful (if not downright plague-like), dependable and almost always exactly as bad and soul-sucking as they look. This week’s culprit is Venice Underground, a kind of Melrose-Place-meets-Miami-Vice turdburger that sees five hotshot young recruits attempt to dismantle a convoluted and poorly-sketched drug empire in Venice Beach. There’s a mole, a hardass captain, Danny Trejo as a guy named Uncle Papi, a particularly haggard stripclub scene and various disorenting shootouts. The usual, basically.

Joining me this week is Cult MTL screen editor (AKA boss lady and Alex puppeteer) and comics artist Kayla Marie Hillier. You can read some her musings here, her Cult MTL material here and see her Twitter here. 

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The song this week is provided by The Hydrothermal Vents. The song Inside a Movie can be found here. Keep your eyes peeled for their appearance at the POP Montreal festival as well as their upcoming full-length due out later this year.

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Podcast #56: The Cool and the Crazy (1994)

In Podcasts on July 9, 2013 at 11:49 am
SULTRY SEX SCENES THAT POP OFF THE SCREEN! THE COOL! THE CRAZY!

SULTRY SEX SCENES THAT POP OFF THE SCREEN! THE COOL! THE CRAZY!

The summer is humid and gross in Montreal, causing hundreds of thousands of people to stop everything they’re doing in order to drink beer all the time. It’s under the influence of this disgusting, thick, sopping humidity that we soldier on, sweating profusely and hydrating irresponsibly. I’m joined by past guest David Bertrand (of the defunct Blue Sunshine Psychotronic Film Centre) for a viewing of famed animator Ralph Bakshi’s only 100% live-action film, The Cool and the Crazy.

A stilted remake of a forgotton drive-in movie, The Cool and the Crazy was part of a film series called Rebel Highway that updated 50’s teen films for cable, using the talents of contemporary directors and up-and-coming casts. The Cool and the Crazy is one of the more bizarre efforts due to its unconventional gathering of talent (it remains Bakshi’s last film to this day) but is unfortunately a giant load of garbage.

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Music this week by The Hot Showers. You can find the song ‘House of Games’ on the Bobby Burns EP.

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Podcast #55: Demolition University (1999)

In Podcasts on June 16, 2013 at 2:29 pm
When used properly, canned cheese can be an effective weapon.

When used properly, canned cheese can be an effective weapon.

Demolition University is the sneakiest kind of Why Does It Exist? movie: a covert sequel to a movie that would itself qualify for the show, wrapped in enigmatic, shape-shifting poster art that never quite gives an accurate picture of what lies beneath. Yet another half-assed would-be franchise starring a Corey, Demolition University is not about demolition or university, but rather about plucky football player slash dork Corey Haim as he foils an attempted terrorist attempt on a water plant. Laraine Newman is the harried teacher caught in the middle of it all while Robert Forster (not yet benefitting from the push of Jackie Brown, it seems) surveys the situation world-wearily.

Past guest Arnaud Audette joins me for a viewing of a movie with a truly transcendent approach to cover art. See for yourselves:

The original, ''hard-edged'' cover art.

The original, ”hard-edged” cover art.

The improved, ''reverent'' cover art.

The improved, ”reverent” cover art.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Music this week provided by Alligator Baby. The song Calling Confidence can be found on their new album, The Cool Side of the Pillow. They will be launching the album on July 6th at O Patro Vys in Montreal – check out their Bandcamp page for more Canadian tour dates.

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Podcast #54: Like Mike 2 (2006)

In Podcasts on June 5, 2013 at 7:26 pm
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One of the many hidden perks of magic shoes: music-less music videos!

We love unnecessary sequels here at Why Does It Exist?, and we particularly love sequels to movie we have not seen nor have any intention of seeing. Yet when my guest Lucy Kiparissis chose Like Mike 2 from the pile, I must admit I was a little surprised. Even in the realm of straight-to-DVD sequels to movies that no one understands, it’s the underdog. It’s also, from what I can gather, exactly the same as the first movie, except it centers on the murky concept of a kid getting magic shoes and playing STREETBALL as opposed to basketball.

Joining me this week is the aforementioned Lucy Kiparissis – you can hear her read out community announcements on CJLO 1690 every two hours, but she told me not to plug that.

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Music this week by leamers. The track ‘Don’t Look Down’ off their MAGIC, YO EP can be found here. You can also catch them as part of Fringe on June 8th.

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Podcast #53: Guns, Girls and Gambling (2011)

In Podcasts on May 16, 2013 at 9:32 am
The last thing a bad joke sees before it dies.

The last thing a bad joke sees before it dies.

It sounds like it could be the perfect Why Does It Exist movie: an unholy convergence of dated post-Tarantino hipdom, a washed-up cast at various levels of career trauma and the strained, flopsweat-drenched comedy of a first-time open mic-er. Despite being about the bloody battle for a priceless Native American artifact waged between Elvis impersonators, crooked cops, unscrupulous casino owners and Christian Slater, Guns, Girls and Gambling is the perfect example of Why Does It Exist? flying too close to the sun. It is painful despite the presence of Gary Oldman as Elvis, whose presence is offset by Chris Kattan as a gay Elvis impersonator and Dane Cook as a cop who chews a lot of gum.

Shawn van de Peppel joins me as we sink deep into the convoluted waters of Guns, Girls and Gambling. Listen to the end for an exclusive announcement of something that may or may not happen.

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Music this week by Trade Secrets. The song ‘Nocturnal’ off their EP No Relation can be found here.

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Podcast #52: Harry and Walter Go to New York (1976)

In Podcasts on April 30, 2013 at 8:53 pm

#17 in Buzzfeed’s listicle ’26 Ways to React to Watching an Instantly-Dated Vaudeville Shitbomb’

In 1973, a little movie called The Sting made a lot of Hollywood fat cats a lot of money. As with most runaway successes, it gave the fat cats a great idea:  replicate that movie’s success by giving the people more of what they had purported to like. Putting silly bowler hats and frilly dresses on the biggest stars of the time and have them cavort in big, expensive sets to jaunty piano music became a disturbing trend at the time and audiences stayed away in droves.

Possibly the most expensive and laborious of those failures is Harry and Walter Go To New York, two hours of family-friendly, old-timey entertainment that nearly sank the studio that made it even though they’re reportedly the ones that cut the jokes out of it. Regardless of who wins the blame game, Harry and Walter Go to New York is the extremely unfunny story of how two mediocre vaudeville performers (played by the notoriously rubber-limbed physical comedians Elliott Gould and James Caan) attempt to beat the world’s most prodigious bank robber (Michael Caine) at his own game with the help of a plucky dame (Diane Keaton). It’s sort of like Lucky Lady without all of the mismatched orgy sequences and the half-hour boat chase.

The result is tedious as all hell, so I am joined by Why Does It Exist?’s crown prince of tedious pedantry, Mickey O’Narey (formerly of Mickey’s Corrections). You can catch Mickey and his band, the Hot Showers, as they launch their latest EP at L’Esco on June 15th.

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Music this week is provided by Bodyshakes.  The song ‘Buoyfriend’ can be found on the RRRAAH EP, available for an amount of your choosing here. You can also see them perform at Gerts Bar in Montreal on May 4th.

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Podcast #51: The Naked Truth (1993)

In Podcasts on April 15, 2013 at 11:08 pm
THE NAKED TRUTH PODCAST WHY DOES IT EXIST

There were some real doozies in here, but this one really expresses the only correct way to react while watching The Naked Truth.

I use highly unscientific methods to find movies for the podcast; they often entail clicking every single link on a washed-up person’s IMDB, only to discover that the choicest morsels are impossible to find. The discovery of someone like Nico Mastorakis is a true delight, then;  a man with a formidable output of hot garbage, all of which have somehow made their way to DVD (as part of the Nico Mastorakis Collection, no less) and all of whom featuring colorfully terrible casts and dubious concepts.

The Naked Truth lifts its plot from Some Like It Hot, its sense of humor from a four-year-old’s misconstrued image of Airplane! and its cast from Hollywood Squares for 93 truly dreadful minutes of minor celebrities getting hit in the balls, 90s models bopping around in neon thongs and the most belabored Casablanca parody ever put to film. Unsurprisingly, The Naked Truth was released directly to Cinemax; surprisingly, it has way less nudity than befits a film with that kind of release.

Joining me in the torture is Shawn Stenhouse, who despite his protests to the contrary is a standup comedian that people watch make jokes on a regular basis. He’ll be appearing as part of Fucked Up Fridays at Burritoville on April 26th.

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Café Racer’s In ‘n Out is the featured song this week. You can find on their Apollo EP here – Café Racer will be appearing at Crobar (1221 Crescent) in Montreal on April 27th.