Why Does It Exist?

Archive for 2012|Yearly archive page

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Podcast #16: Thunderpants (2002)

In Podcasts on March 18, 2012 at 7:16 pm

We are now accepting donations in order to blow up this fine depiction of glistening manmeat for Roxane as a going-away present. Give generously.

We say goodbye to collaborator and all-time most frequent guest Roxane Hudon as she sets sail for Glasgow with THUNDERPANTS, a British kitchen-sink comedy about a small boy who harvests the power of his incessant farts in order to shoot off into space. Rupert Grint plays his best friend, a lil’ scientist type. Also, Paul Giamatti is involved.  We have the world’s pre-eminent expert on Rupert Grintology in the studio to help us unpack the dense mystery that is THUNDERPANTS.

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Music this week is courtesy of Bones Malones. The track ‘A Better Way’ can be found on his 2011 album Calyptophone, available here. Due to the Internet crapping out on us mid-podcast, we did not mention on-air that Bones Malones will be joining Trigger Effect for a show at Petit Campus in Montreal on April 13th, 2012, as well as Divan Orange with Ryan McNally on May 24th. Check it out!

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Podcast #15: The Toughest Man in the World (1984)

In Podcasts on March 11, 2012 at 4:08 pm

A picture is worth a thousand words, and none of those are The Toughest Man in the World.

Justin Bieber is pretty much the Mr. T of 2012, right? This is an undisputable fact. What Bieber maybe isn’t, though, is The Toughest Man in the World, a title that apparently belonged to the elusive Mr. T in this 1984 TV movie. T plays a tough but fair basketball coach who’s forced to perform in a strength competition in order to save the rec center from blah blah blah blah. Lots of fight scenes, pickle-chucking action, kids that dress like Alex, Mr. T in short shorts, a prominent role for Dan’s idol, Dennis ‘Big Daddy’ Dugan, and wholesome fun for the whole family! We also unveil our first ever listener email and explore the new sensations that it gives Dan in his fancy pants.

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Featured this week is the track LonelyAcorn by Charlotte Cornfield off her album Two Horses. She is currently on an extensive tour of the USA and Canada, check out the dates here.

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Podcast #14: Camp Hell (2011)

In Podcasts on March 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm

The only accurate thing about this cover is the spelling of Eisenberg's name. I think.

Terrible movies often have to straight-up lie in order to con people into watching them; this is a tried-and-true technique that goes back to stag loops being played out in dingy parlours in the 1920s (probably). It happens twofold in Camp Hell, a movie that so obviously lies that Hollywood A-lister Jesse Eisenberg actually sued the production company for using his likeness in a movie that he does nominally appear in. Presented as a Red State-ish religious horror movie, Camp Hell is actually a limp-ass Catholic guilt psychological thriller that barely features Eisenberg at all. Spawn comic books, dry-humping, masta-bation and DEMONIC POSSESSION all come to a head in a very boring manner.

In this episode, we learn about Dan’s tangled religious past, Alex’s begrudging love of ska and the finer points of felching balls. We also meet TIMMY AND THE DEMON, Why Does It Exist?’s official shock-jock morning radio duo. Write us at whydoesitexist@gmail.com to enter the FORGET ABOUT IT contest and win the actual fucking copy of Forget About It that we watched!

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Music this week provided by The Damn Truth – you can download the track ‘Kinda Awkward’ for free here. The Damn Truth will be performing at Cherry Cola’s (200 Bathurst) as part of Canadian Music Week in Toronto on March 21st and at Quai des Brumes (St-Denis, corner Mont-Royal) in Montreal on March 23rd.

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Podcast #13: The Man Who Loved Women (1983)

In Podcasts on February 26, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Just be glad this isn't the picture of Burt sculpting naked.

FeBURTuary finally comes to an end with The Man Who Loved Women, an ill-advised remake of a Francois Truffaut movie where a fully-bearded Burt plays God’s actual, bonafide gift to women. Despite being a real movie that was made with real studio money and actual expectations behind it, it is pretty underwhelming and definitely sexist. If you ever wondered why Burt never made a movie where Kim Basigner couldn’t resist blowing him at all times, he did. If you were wondering if there exists footage of Burt Reynolds sculpting naked or making out with Mary Poppins, there does. If you thought Burt Reynolds’ career was severely lacking in doe-eyed, artistic characters who just love too much, this is the movie for you.

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Music this week is provided by Folly & The Hunter. The song Cost from their album Residents can be found here. Folly & The Hunter are currently running an Indiegogo campaign to gather funds for their second album; support them in this endeavor here.

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Podcast #12: Forget About It (2006)

In Podcasts on February 19, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Mickey, Alex and Dan: The Twilight Years

Infamous for the batshit-crazy story about how its crazy Belushi-impersonating, would-be gangster lead embezzled its budget and eventually landed in jail (and the improbable lawsuit that ensued in which an online film critic was taken to court over a negative review), Forget About It is a dumb mix of Grumpy Old Men and Analyze That that manages to be hilarious mostly because it sticks to the tried-and-true formula of old men doing silly dances and making boner jokes. Burt plays the taciturn leader of a pack of old coots who find a briefcase full of money that has been stolen from the mob by a low-level hustler (the aforementioned Michael Paloma). Raquel Welch shows up to dance around, Phyllis Diller makes out with a guy decked out in assless chaps, Richard Grieco emerges from whatever depths he was hiding in and hilarity ensues.

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Our guest this week is Mickey T. O’Narey, a musician, graphic designer and  former video store manager who just so happens to have employed Dan and Alex in the formative years of Why Does It Exist? His band The Hot Showers are currently prepping their second album.

Music this week is courtesy of our friends at Arbutus Records. The track ‘Change the Subject’ by Paula featuring Cadence Weapon appears on Paula’s latest album, Relaxed Fit.

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Cloud 9 (2006)

In Reviews on February 16, 2012 at 12:14 am

Little known fact, Burt Reynolds has a sailor costume written into each and every contract.

One of the major talking points of the buzz surrounding Boogie Nights upon release was that Paul Thomas Anderson had pulled Burt Reynolds from his career doldrums and shown the world that, yes, Burt was still alive. When you actually look at the arc of Burt’s career, though, it looks a little more like Anderson fucked it forever. Sure, Reynolds was no longer the A-list star he had once been, but few 60-year-olds are. He’d been racking up credits in critically-acclaimed indies (Citizen Ruth), television shows that have yet to enter the pop-cultural subconscious (Evening Shade) and critically-panned, though mainstream Hollywood films (Striptease, Bean). Compare this stagnating-though-decent output with everything that came after it: when the highest profile roles you can get are a supporting role in a remake of your own movie and playing Boss Hogg in a highly-inessential Dukes of Hazzard movie, it looks more like life-support than a resurrection.

It’s in this period that one predictably finds the most inexplicable work of Burt’s career. From last week’s incomprehensible Not Another Not Another Movie to the Uwe Boll juggernaut In the Name of the King, Burt’s post-1997 career offers some real gems but a curious absence of real Burt movies, ones where he plays swaggering macho men who are equal parts Casanova and rapscallion. As its Wikipedia entry helpfully points out, however, Cloud 9 happens to be ‘the last comedy in which Reynolds reprised and updated his role as the charming rascal made legendary in films like The Longest Yard and Smokey and the Bandit.’ Those who thought that Burt has been reduced to the wheezing, sputtering King of In the Name of the King can finally rejoice! Also important to mention that, for all intents and purposes, Cloud 9 is a movie about strippers playing beach volleyball. With Burt Reynolds in it. Read the rest of this entry »

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Podcast #11: Not Another Not Another Movie (2011)

In Podcasts on February 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I know you wanted a picture of Burt. I wanted a picture of Burt too. But life's not always fair like that.

You know what’s ripe for parody? The concept of parody. This seems to be the general idea behind Not Another Not Another Movie, an ill-conceived collaboration between some struggling sketch comedians and that portion of Hollywood that’s game for whatever (namely Vinnie Jones, Michael Madsen, Chevy Chase and our man Burt) that fails to even fulfill its (skimpy as fuck) central concept. Cue lots of people falling down, our doughy lead in various states of undress throughout, a lead actress that does a bang-up job of being Anna Faris without being Anna Faris and a less-clever-than-you-thought cameo appearance by Richard Tyson. While this is technically part of FeBURTuary since Burt does actually appear in this movie, it’s probably not as Burt-centric as we would have hoped. Even Dan’s regular optimism was whittled away by the concept of Not Another Not Another Movie, which is why we had to bring in our VERY FIRST GUEST.

Roxane Hudon is a film critic and journalist for the Montreal Mirror as well as a blogger for Ballz Montreal. She graciously accepted our invitation (she actually called dibs on Not Another Not Another Movie) and took the bull by the horns. You can follow Roxane on Twitter, if you’re so inclined, at @Roxanesballz.

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Music this week is provided by Montreal’s own First You Get The Sugar. The track Scavengers (and not, as I first called it on the show, Renegades) is available on First You Get The Sugar’s self-title album here. They will be performing as part of Canadian Music Week in Toronto on March 21st.

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Podcast #10: 100 Rifles (1969) FEBURTUARY CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!

In Uncategorized on February 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

As promised, here's the poster that makes this movie look more awesome than it is.

FeBURTuary opens with a bang (or rather one hundred bangs) with 100 Rifles, a 1969 semi-Eurowestern that stars Jim Brown, Raquel Welch and mustache menace Burton Milo Reynolds himself as loveable scamp Yahqui Joe. They dick around trying to get a revolution started, or possibly stop a revolution. Lots of things explode, Raquel gets sort of naked but not really and at one point they trip a horse with a chain.

It sounds super awesome, looks super awesome and, well… It nonetheless offers a good starting point for our month-long study of all things Burt, including chest hair, lip hair, head hair, overly-tanned and leathery skin as well as other less important details like body of work, biographical information and studies of Reynolds’ acting style. In this movie, it seems to mostly revolve around falling off things.

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Music this week is ‘All this Culture is Killing Me’ by Wind-Up People. You can find them here.

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Podcast #9: Year of the Comet (1992)

In Podcasts on January 31, 2012 at 9:41 am

Here, have a grainy VHS capture of Tim Daly getting a suitcase in the nuts. Because we care about you guys, and you deserve the best.

Year of the Comet currently holds the dubious honor of not only being the film that prompted the longest episode, but also of the one that features the most amount of mournful sighs per minute (MSPM). This unholy concoction written by semi-senile malcontent William ‘Billy’ Goldman wants to be a delightful and charming Charade-like romp about a fabled bottle of wine but it unfortunately stars Tim Daly, who is not exactly delightful and charming. To this day, Goldman cannot talk about the ordeal of making this movie; thankfully, we can’t seem to stop talking about it ourselves.

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Music this week provided by HONHEEHONHEE. You can find them on the Internet here, view their music video for this track here and find their music at their Bandcamp page. HONHEEHONHEE will be performing at the Horseshoe Tavern in Toronto on February 3rd; more info here.

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Podcast #8: Blood Out (2011)

In Podcasts on January 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm

What I like about 50 Cent's acting is his ability to never inhabit roles in any way.

It was bound to happen again. After their dynamite-ish pairing in the first-ever Why Does It Exist? text review, 50 Cent an Val Kilmer once again renew their fated, symbiotic relationship in Blood Out. Except that they don’t actually appear together in this movie, and their combined screen time is roughly eight minutes. Instead, Blood Out is a surprisingly not-terrible movie about a dude from a boy band running around Shreveport ‘thuggin’ and punching other dudes in the head. WDIE fan favorite Vinnie Jones is a British guy that’s so scary, he’s hardly anywhere to be found (as usual) and Annalyne McCord from the 90210 reboot gets naked. A good time was had by all. Blood out.

This episode features a dangerous amount of vocal stylings by Alex but no construction of bike racks. Some would say this is in fact worse.

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Music this week is provided by bluegrass wunderkinds Bum Tickins. You can find them here and download their album here and here.