Why Does It Exist?

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Podcast #19: Tomorrow Never Comes (1978)

In Podcasts on April 10, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Behind the scenes peek: if there's a poster here instead of a hilarious picture, I probably forgot the DVD at Dan's.

After a brief (yet predictable) MIA spell for Dan, Why Does It Exist? returns for a month-long foray into the exciting world of Canuxploitation and more specifically of tax-shelter films from 1978 to 1982. Capital Cost April begins in full swing with Tomorrow Never Comes, a Montreal-shot hostage thriller that essentially plays out like a low-wattage Dog Day Afternoon with 100% more cans of Molson Export. A whispery, roast-beefesque Oliver Reed leads negotiations with the unhinged Stephen McHattie as he holds his ex-girlfriend (Susan George of Straw Dogs infamy, wailing hysterically as always) hostage. Lots of character actors are trotted out to give exposition, everybody sweats a whole bunch and the rebellious spirit of 1978 Laval is stamped out in favour of non-descript suburban nonsense.

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Featured music this week are selections from Montreal supergroup Quatro’s newest EP, Les éclairs me donnent la vie. You can listen to and purchase it here.

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Podcast #18: The Magic Christian (1969)

In Podcasts on April 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

A Confederacy of Mustaches.

If, like us, the sight of Ringo Starr sitting in Peter Sellers’ lap sends you in a tizzy, you’ll certainly enjoy this week’s episode. The Magic Christian features everyone’s favorite diminutive drummer as a homeless urchin who is adopted by the richest man in the world. Together, they run around the English countryside paying people to do humiliating things, like eating parking tickets and various other wacky 60’s things. It ends with everyone literally swimming around in poop. Yul Brynner like you’ve never seen him! Norah Paré (Alex’s girlfriend and Ringo super-fan) joins us for a classy, classy viewing of this forgotten slice of 60’s nonsense.

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The featured artist this week is CTZNSHP. The song ‘On a Roll’ from their Swan Dive EP can be found here. The band will be recording a new album in the spring, so keep your eyes peeled!

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Podcast #17: Hard Cash (2002)

In Podcasts on March 26, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Mister Troyer... Are you... trying to seduce me?

We’re not always about farts and Burts here at Why Does It Exist? Sometimes we really delve into film history, analyzing trends and genres with depth and intelligent discussion. This week’s episode has us analyzing a document of unimaginable historical importance: Hard Cash, the very first direct-to-video action movie for both Val Kilmer and Christian Slater. History speaks of game changers; this, my friends, is a whole new game.

Witness as Kilmer robs Marlon Brando’s not-quite-dead body for all possible forms of showboating nonsense! Imagine a world peopled exclusively with shitty old brown cars from the 80’s! Hear about Darryl Hannah’s extremely low pleather pants! Marvel at the idea of Verne Troyer climbing out of the toilet! Sit in stunned silence as we explore the untold marvels of Hard Cash!

Along with us for this ride is Montreal-based filmmaker and former roommate Louis Lazaris. You can view Louis’ videos here and look at various other things that he’s done here. His video for the band Young Lungs drops in April, and his short film Something More Than Nothing (co-directed by Why Does It Exist? grand poobah Alex Rose) is set to air on CBC in 2012.

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Our featured song this week is Hold On (Throw It At Your Dad’s House) by Goose Hut. You can find them online here and here.

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Podcast #16: Thunderpants (2002)

In Podcasts on March 18, 2012 at 7:16 pm

We are now accepting donations in order to blow up this fine depiction of glistening manmeat for Roxane as a going-away present. Give generously.

We say goodbye to collaborator and all-time most frequent guest Roxane Hudon as she sets sail for Glasgow with THUNDERPANTS, a British kitchen-sink comedy about a small boy who harvests the power of his incessant farts in order to shoot off into space. Rupert Grint plays his best friend, a lil’ scientist type. Also, Paul Giamatti is involved.  We have the world’s pre-eminent expert on Rupert Grintology in the studio to help us unpack the dense mystery that is THUNDERPANTS.

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Music this week is courtesy of Bones Malones. The track ‘A Better Way’ can be found on his 2011 album Calyptophone, available here. Due to the Internet crapping out on us mid-podcast, we did not mention on-air that Bones Malones will be joining Trigger Effect for a show at Petit Campus in Montreal on April 13th, 2012, as well as Divan Orange with Ryan McNally on May 24th. Check it out!

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Podcast #15: The Toughest Man in the World (1984)

In Podcasts on March 11, 2012 at 4:08 pm

A picture is worth a thousand words, and none of those are The Toughest Man in the World.

Justin Bieber is pretty much the Mr. T of 2012, right? This is an undisputable fact. What Bieber maybe isn’t, though, is The Toughest Man in the World, a title that apparently belonged to the elusive Mr. T in this 1984 TV movie. T plays a tough but fair basketball coach who’s forced to perform in a strength competition in order to save the rec center from blah blah blah blah. Lots of fight scenes, pickle-chucking action, kids that dress like Alex, Mr. T in short shorts, a prominent role for Dan’s idol, Dennis ‘Big Daddy’ Dugan, and wholesome fun for the whole family! We also unveil our first ever listener email and explore the new sensations that it gives Dan in his fancy pants.

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Featured this week is the track LonelyAcorn by Charlotte Cornfield off her album Two Horses. She is currently on an extensive tour of the USA and Canada, check out the dates here.

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Podcast #14: Camp Hell (2011)

In Podcasts on March 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm

The only accurate thing about this cover is the spelling of Eisenberg's name. I think.

Terrible movies often have to straight-up lie in order to con people into watching them; this is a tried-and-true technique that goes back to stag loops being played out in dingy parlours in the 1920s (probably). It happens twofold in Camp Hell, a movie that so obviously lies that Hollywood A-lister Jesse Eisenberg actually sued the production company for using his likeness in a movie that he does nominally appear in. Presented as a Red State-ish religious horror movie, Camp Hell is actually a limp-ass Catholic guilt psychological thriller that barely features Eisenberg at all. Spawn comic books, dry-humping, masta-bation and DEMONIC POSSESSION all come to a head in a very boring manner.

In this episode, we learn about Dan’s tangled religious past, Alex’s begrudging love of ska and the finer points of felching balls. We also meet TIMMY AND THE DEMON, Why Does It Exist?’s official shock-jock morning radio duo. Write us at whydoesitexist@gmail.com to enter the FORGET ABOUT IT contest and win the actual fucking copy of Forget About It that we watched!

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Music this week provided by The Damn Truth – you can download the track ‘Kinda Awkward’ for free here. The Damn Truth will be performing at Cherry Cola’s (200 Bathurst) as part of Canadian Music Week in Toronto on March 21st and at Quai des Brumes (St-Denis, corner Mont-Royal) in Montreal on March 23rd.

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Podcast #13: The Man Who Loved Women (1983)

In Podcasts on February 26, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Just be glad this isn't the picture of Burt sculpting naked.

FeBURTuary finally comes to an end with The Man Who Loved Women, an ill-advised remake of a Francois Truffaut movie where a fully-bearded Burt plays God’s actual, bonafide gift to women. Despite being a real movie that was made with real studio money and actual expectations behind it, it is pretty underwhelming and definitely sexist. If you ever wondered why Burt never made a movie where Kim Basigner couldn’t resist blowing him at all times, he did. If you were wondering if there exists footage of Burt Reynolds sculpting naked or making out with Mary Poppins, there does. If you thought Burt Reynolds’ career was severely lacking in doe-eyed, artistic characters who just love too much, this is the movie for you.

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Music this week is provided by Folly & The Hunter. The song Cost from their album Residents can be found here. Folly & The Hunter are currently running an Indiegogo campaign to gather funds for their second album; support them in this endeavor here.

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Podcast #12: Forget About It (2006)

In Podcasts on February 19, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Mickey, Alex and Dan: The Twilight Years

Infamous for the batshit-crazy story about how its crazy Belushi-impersonating, would-be gangster lead embezzled its budget and eventually landed in jail (and the improbable lawsuit that ensued in which an online film critic was taken to court over a negative review), Forget About It is a dumb mix of Grumpy Old Men and Analyze That that manages to be hilarious mostly because it sticks to the tried-and-true formula of old men doing silly dances and making boner jokes. Burt plays the taciturn leader of a pack of old coots who find a briefcase full of money that has been stolen from the mob by a low-level hustler (the aforementioned Michael Paloma). Raquel Welch shows up to dance around, Phyllis Diller makes out with a guy decked out in assless chaps, Richard Grieco emerges from whatever depths he was hiding in and hilarity ensues.

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Our guest this week is Mickey T. O’Narey, a musician, graphic designer and  former video store manager who just so happens to have employed Dan and Alex in the formative years of Why Does It Exist? His band The Hot Showers are currently prepping their second album.

Music this week is courtesy of our friends at Arbutus Records. The track ‘Change the Subject’ by Paula featuring Cadence Weapon appears on Paula’s latest album, Relaxed Fit.

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Podcast #11: Not Another Not Another Movie (2011)

In Podcasts on February 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I know you wanted a picture of Burt. I wanted a picture of Burt too. But life's not always fair like that.

You know what’s ripe for parody? The concept of parody. This seems to be the general idea behind Not Another Not Another Movie, an ill-conceived collaboration between some struggling sketch comedians and that portion of Hollywood that’s game for whatever (namely Vinnie Jones, Michael Madsen, Chevy Chase and our man Burt) that fails to even fulfill its (skimpy as fuck) central concept. Cue lots of people falling down, our doughy lead in various states of undress throughout, a lead actress that does a bang-up job of being Anna Faris without being Anna Faris and a less-clever-than-you-thought cameo appearance by Richard Tyson. While this is technically part of FeBURTuary since Burt does actually appear in this movie, it’s probably not as Burt-centric as we would have hoped. Even Dan’s regular optimism was whittled away by the concept of Not Another Not Another Movie, which is why we had to bring in our VERY FIRST GUEST.

Roxane Hudon is a film critic and journalist for the Montreal Mirror as well as a blogger for Ballz Montreal. She graciously accepted our invitation (she actually called dibs on Not Another Not Another Movie) and took the bull by the horns. You can follow Roxane on Twitter, if you’re so inclined, at @Roxanesballz.

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Music this week is provided by Montreal’s own First You Get The Sugar. The track Scavengers (and not, as I first called it on the show, Renegades) is available on First You Get The Sugar’s self-title album here. They will be performing as part of Canadian Music Week in Toronto on March 21st.

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Podcast #9: Year of the Comet (1992)

In Podcasts on January 31, 2012 at 9:41 am

Here, have a grainy VHS capture of Tim Daly getting a suitcase in the nuts. Because we care about you guys, and you deserve the best.

Year of the Comet currently holds the dubious honor of not only being the film that prompted the longest episode, but also of the one that features the most amount of mournful sighs per minute (MSPM). This unholy concoction written by semi-senile malcontent William ‘Billy’ Goldman wants to be a delightful and charming Charade-like romp about a fabled bottle of wine but it unfortunately stars Tim Daly, who is not exactly delightful and charming. To this day, Goldman cannot talk about the ordeal of making this movie; thankfully, we can’t seem to stop talking about it ourselves.

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Music this week provided by HONHEEHONHEE. You can find them on the Internet here, view their music video for this track here and find their music at their Bandcamp page. HONHEEHONHEE will be performing at the Horseshoe Tavern in Toronto on February 3rd; more info here.