Why Does It Exist?

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Episode #29: Blast (1997)

In Podcasts on June 19, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Terrorist… or golfer? Who says you can’t be both?

Sometimes life throws you a curveball. Even a show as meticulously prepared and researched as Why Does It Exist? can come upon some problems. We thought we were watching Blast, a film starring Breckin Meyer and Shaggy as they took down some evil terrorists – but what we were actually watching was Blast, starring Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat and Rutger Hauer as they take down some evil terrorists. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Topics covered include orgies, the Vidal Sassoon fortune, Shia LeBeouf laying out the beef for a Sigur Ros video, Dan’s mom, the girl next door in the ‘It Wasn’t Me’ video, BetaMax piracy and a veritable treasure trove of nonsense.

We’re joined this week by writer and musician Pamela Fillion who has known Alex since forever and really wants to tell the world about how he was in high school, but that’s something for a different podcast that will never exist. You can find her writing at Forget The Box and her music here.

We’re also joined for the first time by Danica Fogarty, who usually watches the movies with us but declines to comment on them. Evidently, Blast was a rare beast.

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Music this week by Zach Roth and the Ghostrockets. You can stream their debut album Mountains on Mars for free here and purchase it on iTunes.

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Podcast #28: Bachelor Trip (2012)

In Podcasts on June 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Why Does It Exist?: providing screen captures of Oscar winners jerking it since 2011!

Why Does It Exist? celebrates the coming of summer with Bachelor Trip, a sunny beach sex romp starring a quasi-geriatric cast that includes Christopher Walken, Morgan Fairchild, Robert Wagner and Rutger Hauer as a pencil-mustachioed Frenchman named Jean-Luc. Two best friends head to a tropical paradise after one of them is left at the altar for Herc from The Wire and his prodigious sunflower-seed eating abilities. Then, in a plot twist probably taken from the classic film Boat Trip, they get into all kinds of pratfalls and shenanigans pertaining to the fact that everyone thinks they’re gay. Certainly the only movie in Why Does It Exist? history (and perhaps all of cinematic history, though I have to admit to never having seen Sarah, Plain and Tall) to feature a Christopher Walken masturbation scene, Bachelor Trip is the kind of sexless sex comedy we can get behind.

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Music this week provided by Alexei Martov. The song ‘The Road’ can be found on their Steve Albini-produced Scent of the Wolf EP, available for pay-what-you-want download here. The band will be launching the EP at Trois Minots (3812 Saint Laurent in Montreal) on Saturday, June 16th starting at 10 PM.

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Episode #27: Percy (1971)

In Podcasts on June 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Pretty much the funniest, sexiest part of this so-called sex comedy.

Everything’s gone topsy-turvy in this week’s episode: we record the opening and dissection four days apart, the music is by Dan and this would-be slapstick comedy about a penis transplant actually turns out to be neither a comedy or explicitly about what it purports to be about. Percy is a brooding dramedy about a man who goes to unnecessary lengths to find the former lovers of the sizeable, philandering penis he’s inherited after a naked guy falls on him. Surprisingly it’s very light in shenanigans and tomfoolery, but it provides us with a large canvas in which to make an array of penis jokes the likes of which have only been seen on more unsavoury corners of the Internet.

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Remember to visit our brand new Tumblr page featuring a bevy of stills from episodes past and present!

Music this week provided by Tyger Tyger. The song ‘Hell Won’t Be So Bad With You’ off the Caramel Log Cabin album can be downloaded here.

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Podcast #26: Little Hercules in 3D (2009)

In Podcasts on May 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I swear to you, this is the last shot of the film and Hogan’s line is ‘Who’s your daddy?’

The myth of Hercules just like you learned in school. You know, the one where Hulk Hogan was Zeus, Socrates was an aging neurotic Jew who lived in Heaven, Satan was actually the WWF’s The Big Show and, to prove his might, Young Hercules had to win a track meet in Burbank, California. We bring you Little Hercules in 3-D, a batshit insane cross between Clash of the Titans, Chariots of Fire and… uh… Encino Man? The film stars everyone’s favorite forgotten-physically-ripped-child-that-appeared-on-the-Maury-Povich-show Richard Sandak and a random collection of people who should feel very ashamed that they had the time to devote to this nonsense. Please note that the podcast is not available in 3D.

Joining us this week is actor Alex Weiner whom you may recognize from his appearances as Ricky the Pizza Guy on Blue Mountain State or in the film Territories. Watch for Alex in the upcoming feature films The Good Lie and Clyde Cynic as well as the short film Something More Than Nothing directed by none other than WDIE host Alex Rose and past guest Louis Lazaris.

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Music this week provided by Young Lungs – the song ‘Blood in the Streets’ can be found on the 7’’ record of the same name available here. You can also check out the video for the song here, directed by the aforementioned Louis Lazaris.

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Podcast #25: BrainWaves (1983)

In Podcasts on May 22, 2012 at 7:15 pm

With a title like that, I thought they would maybe get sucked into the videogame, but alas… At least we have Brainscan.

Keir Dullea and a highly bored Tony Curtis star in BrainWaves, a dumb horror/thriller by serial-killer auteur and possible Worst Director of All Time Ulli Lommell that we picked because it happened to be shot in San Francisco, from which Alex has just recently returned. Unfortunately this ain’t no Bullit, although someone does narrowly avoid getting run over by a cable car.  Instead it’s more or less like the longest Twilight Zone episode ever while also pulling off the feat of being the shortest film we’ve seen yet. We discuss public nudity, Keith Moon’s solo album, Curtis’ almost-pathological need to play doctors in batshit insane Z-list movies and Dan’s tortured relationship with sex doctor Sue Johansen.

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Music this week provided by She’s Got A Habit. The song Call it Love can be found on the Blindfold Test EP, available here . They’ve also just released a live video for the track Different Directions which you can view here.

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Podcast #24: Seven Below (2012)

In Podcasts on May 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

By far the most exciting scene in Seven Below.

After several months, the stars have aligned once more and brought another Luke Goss / Val Kilmer pairing to the shores of Why Does It Exist? This time it’s an extremely familiar story of seven strangers trapped in a house WHICH MAY BE HAUNTED. Thankfully, Mssrs. Valium S. Kilmer and Vingaling Rhames are on hand to provide bug-eyed overacting as a small ethereal child runs around stabbing the rest of the cast until they dissipate into black smoke. Dodgy accents, unexplained coincidences and eye-rolling abound in this week’s episode, SEVEN BELOW!

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Music this week by Cinéma L’Amour. The song ‘Empty Bottles’ can be found at their Bandcamp.

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Podcast #23: One Trick Pony

In Podcasts on May 6, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I almost went for one of Mopin’ Simon, but this is more important in terms of archiving nonsensical shit.

Hot off the success of his supporting role in Annie Hall, Paul Simon went full tilt boogie and wrote himself a starring vehicle in the form of One Trick Pony, an extremely mopey 1980 drama where Simon plays a less successful (and ostensibly much mopier) version of himself that opens for the B-52s, beds St. Elmo’s Fire alumni Mare Winningham and finds low-rent antagonists in a Top 40-centered producer played by Lou Reed and  a clueless record company bigwig played by Rip Torn in a ravishing Prince Valiant haircut. Lots of pint-sized pondering from Simon and some of the most generic music of his career in this week’s Why Does It Exist?

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Music this week is provided by UN. The song ‘Go Seeker!’ will appear on their upcoming full-length, due out in June. You can find them online here and here.

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Podcast #22: Hot Dogs (1980)

In Podcasts on May 1, 2012 at 8:38 pm

As you'll find out, the DVD was defective so I could not take screen captures. Here is a picture of some hot dogs.

Deep Throat made Harry Reems a highly unlikely star, but by 1980 his alcohol and drug abuse had pretty much killed his porn career. The obvious move was, of course, to go to Québec and take the straight-man role (no pun intended) in the least essential outing of the Maple Syrup Porn genre, Hot Dogs. Basically an even more sophomoric and plotless proto-Police Academy, Hot Dogs is so bored with its own identity that it barely has jokes and treats even its copious nudity as an afterthought. Consequently, we spend a good chunk of the episode discussing Lena Dunham’s show Girls, because we are people on the internet and the gods of the internet have asked all of us to chime with our opinions about Girls.

I also learned today that even singing a song on a podcast without consent might put you in the realm of copyright violation, so you should probably listen to this before the band Train sues us into oblivion for mistaking them for Jack Johnson.

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Music this week by Colors on Trial. The song The Inmates can be download for free here.

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Podcast #21: Hog Wild (1980)

In Podcasts on April 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

You know things are about to get real when your tough guy antagonists look like Robert Rodriguez and Phil Lynott.

No study of Canadian tax shelter films would be complete without a zany snobs-vs.-slobs sex comedy. Hog Wild more or less fulfills that purpose by pitting a young Michael Biehn and his nerdy cohorts against the least threatening group of bikers in the history of cinema. At this point we know full well that nothing warms the cockles of Dan’s heart like pratfalls and foodfights and the film delivers in spades. Meanwhile, Alex rails against the perceived threat of CGI nudity, we discuss the Mario cartoon / live-action hybrid, our respective graduation songs and Jian Ghomeshi’s soothing monologues.

If you’re in Montreal this week, be sure to check out our live show! We’ll be introducing a 16mm screening of Saturn 3 at the Blue Sunshine Psychotronic Film Centre on April 27th! Entrance is 8$ with a free drink!

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Music this week is Wild Rose Country by Holland Creek. You can download their album Houses for FREE here.

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Podcast #20: Tanya’s Island (1980)

In Podcasts on April 15, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Guys, I know what this looks like. I'm here to tell you: this is exactly what's happening.

This week we welcome our friend David Bertrand of the Blue Sunshine Psychotronic Film Centre to the studio / bedroom for a viewing of the oft-overlooked Canadian tax shelter classic Tanya’s Island Although mostly taking place on an unnamed island (actually Puerto Rico), Canadian money and ‘talent’ was used in this tale of a dream-like love triangle between a beardo, Prince protégée Vanity and a giant fucking (literally) cave-dwelling ape. Although we struggled to identify the Canadian identity of this erotic classic, we struggled even more with trying to wrap our minds around its many intricacies. The shortest episode of Why Does It Exist? thus far, -perhaps, but certainly the densest and most thought-provoking.

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David Bertrand is a writer, filmmaker, musician and Renaissance man who has run a funky movie theater out of his Montreal apartment for the last two years. The adventure is ending in mid-May, so you have but a scant few weeks to make the best out of Blue Sunshine!

Music this week provided by Alice & The Intellects. The song ‘Make it Better’, off their album Balloon Ride, can be downloaded for free at their Bandcamp.